Editorial
Old Age Homes: A Paradox
Opinion | Editorial | John S. Shilshi | 15-Mar-2021
Breaking away from the usual practice of writing an editorial on domestic or world affairs, I would share a recent experience, which left me with more understanding of humankind. On a warm Sunday afternoon, caught by a sudden urge to explore a place I always pass by, I found myself at the doorstep of an old-aged home. With huge trees and a lovely array of flowers, raised at a height from the main road with a little road leading to the gate, this place always catches my attention, whenever I pass by. It also leads to conversations within my family on the kind of people who live here and what their stories would be like. So, on that Sunday afternoon, I decided to meet some of the people living there, to get an understanding about different shades of human life.
Named unassumingly as “Old-Aged Home”, I was first met with disappointment at the entry gate when I saw a board that read “Visiting hours: 4 pm to 6 pm. No visitors allowed on Sunday.” I was rather surprised to read this, as I presumed that Sunday would be an ideal day for family members to visit their elders, as almost everyone gets a day off. Undeterred, I still tried my luck and walked up to the main building and rang the bell. After waiting for a good two to three minutes, I saw an old man approaching to open the door. Perhaps in his eighties, the soft-spoken man said “Hello” and asked whom I wanted to meet. Upon enquiry, I was told that the Home stayed shut to visitors on Sunday, which is an off day for the staff, and the gentleman tended to unplanned visitors, such as me, when needed.
My conversation with Mr. ‘A’ was a very cordial one. He was delighted and appreciative, when I told him that my visit to the Home was just for a quick chat with the residents, if possible. He introduced himself very briefly, giving a quick account of his background, past occupation and the place he came from. He had been living in this Home for the last two years. When I asked why he chose to stay in an old-aged home, his answer was simple – “I didn’t want to be a burden”. Mr. “A” lost his wife a few years back, and while his son and daughter-in-law were more than happy to look after him, he decided he would rather live in this Home. This was his version, and I felt it would be rude to prod further.
Our brief but uninhibited chat was soon followed by Mr. ‘A’ taking me around to show how the Home looked like. There were different dorms for men and women, each with common toilets. There were also a few single rooms with attached bathrooms, for those who wanted more privacy and could afford the higher monthly charges. He also introduced me to several residents - some showed reluctance to talk but a majority of them were happy to see me and willing to have a quick chat. After an hour and half of chatting with the residents, I could gather that the Home housed people with stories of different shades. On my own accord, I categorized the men and women living there into three categories – first, those who had no shoulders to lean on; second, who had all material comforts but longed for care and company; and third, who were forcibly kept there as their relatives found them to be a hindrance to their lives.
An honest confession of a certain Mr. ‘X’ hit me harder than I expected. He said, “My late wife and I did everything possible to educate our two children, and we were happy. However, the education took them far away from us, to a foreign land. Since then, meeting once a year became a ritual, and even during such reunions, the usual warmth and affection was never the same. Perhaps this is why my wife passed away untimely.” Even as some residents nodded in sympathy, he continued; “I miss them, I miss my house, the concrete bench at the entrance of my house on which I spent hours with my wife. I miss the trees she planted and longed to hold them before I die. But I needed to be practical in order to continue living, and I am here because my children foot the bill for my stay.” To raise his spirits, I said “Sir, you are still strong and handsome; who knows you will find someone special to stay there again”. Hearing that, Mr. ‘X’ and his friends burst out into laughter!
On that happy note, I left them to their conversations and bid goodbye to Mr ‘A’, with a small piece of lesson that no matter how much people plan their future, no one really knows what lies ahead. For, old age is inevitable both for the rich and the poor, and there is no guarantee that when people passed their prime, homes such this would not be the practical answer to their plights. Surely Mr. ‘X’s revelation was heart wrenching, and one prays that no parent go through such emotional disconnect. Also one really hopes that Homes such as this not only ensure the physical safety of the inmates, but also cater to their emotional needs with a touch of compassion. May the number of those who would never opt for such homes as alternative multiply.
Leave a comment
